He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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