thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize