Where is the hickey?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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