I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
