i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
