you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Who died my cat blue again?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
