I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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