the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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