is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
