Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
