you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
