a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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