Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
