the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize