Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize