If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize