I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
