she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
