I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Shame - the story of my life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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