I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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