she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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