Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
