whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
