Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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