i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
