Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
