so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
