awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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