She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
