my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
