I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
