That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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