Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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