I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
