My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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