Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize