How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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