My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Farmville is her only friend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
