that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
