I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
