even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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