I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
