So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
