i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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