I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
