i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
