my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
