we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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