somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
