Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
