Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
