that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
