Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
