capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
