so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
