considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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