Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Im part way to drunk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
