I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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