I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
