Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
