I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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