if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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