The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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