I wanna bring you to show and tell
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
