I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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