Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
