that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
