True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
