its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
