Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
