I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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